Learning that there are so many
different definitions and interpretations of the concept of feminism itself, I
suddenly realized where my strong feminist beliefs were rooted. Coming from an
Asian descent, I must admit that the stereotype is true; tradition is such a
major factor. The one thing that has irked me the most is how girls ever since
way back when, were considered to be inferior. I mean, why?? I’m pretty sure
that giving birth alone is more hard work and pain than any amount of so-called
“labor” any man could do, let alone doing that multiple times! What irked me
even more is how there are even sayings that defined what a traditional Chinese
woman is. That in her entire lifetime, she would have to obey to 3 people: before
she was old enough to be married off, she would obey her father, then obey her
husband once married. Then when her husband dies, she must obey her son. Her
son…. -_- Tradition teaches us that we should respect our elders, yet when it
comes to women, it simply doesn’t apply because you’ll eventually have to obey
to your son. Great. What irks me the most is what is happening right now, that
is the one child policy in China. Traditionally, it was already determined that
males would be favored, but now they are favored even more so as families are
only allowed to have one child. Of course, the choice is obvious to many
families that they keep the boy and send the girl off to an orphanage. Their
main reasoning you ask? Well when the boys grow up and get married, they are
able to carry on the family last name. This kind of thinking is so prevalent
it’s scary. So, my question to them is, if everyone is thinking the exact same
way, keeping their boys, and then when the boys grow up and want to get
married, will they even be able to since there are so many other boys out there
competing for the same thing? Therefore, ultimately, their parents’ goal of
wanting to continue the family name is not achieved. I think that with all of
these traditions, and so much inequality between the genders in my culture, it
has molded my beliefs for what a feminist should be. Of course, the big one is
fighting for equality and empowerment of women, but also simply just taking the
time to discover who you are, what your own values are.
This ties in with the romantic side
of me, where tradition usually gives arranged marriages, or at least in modern
day, the approval from your entire family
of the guy. Then it hit me it made me realize why I love reading books with
love stories. Is that in those books, I can escape from these “traditions” and
pressures I’m put under and just find comfort in knowing that sometimes a girl
is allowed to choose and make her own decisions about her love life. I soon
realized that I was very much like Susan Elizabeth Phillips, that “the fantasy
these novels offered me was one of command and control over the harum scarum
events of my life- a fantasy of female empowerment” (Phillips 55). That it was
in these fantasy romance novels where I was able to feel in total control and
command of what I, personally wanted, me and nobody else. I didn’t have to
worry about the traditions, pressures or approval of anyone. I also figured out
that I really love reading or watching romances is because I get to know the male
perspective, what they feel. As Jayne Ann Krentz puts it, “[i] n a really good
romance, the experience for the reader is that of being in both the heroine’s
mind and the hero’s at the same time”
(Krentz 111). This is so true for me! In real life, girls are always guessing
what the guy is thinking and vice versa. I think it’s actually knowing what the
guy thinks that makes me love reading it so much, it shows that the
relationship is mutual and balanced. Oh,
there’s the feminist part within the romantic side of me, which I think a
relationship should be equal and balanced, not having the girls being inferior,
as tradition has always taught me. I like the gif where the guy is casually
trying to put his arm around the girl and fails because at the end it says “I’m
dying inside to hold you” which gives the male perspective, that makes it so
much more romantic and sweeter than if it weren’t to have that caption at the
end.
My second moment was when my initial
thoughts of being a feminist and a romantic were solidified through this class.
I mean I had thought about it before, and even in the first reflection we wrote
for the class, I found it so ironic how the two topics were so different, yet
similar, that they seemed to intertwine with each other. No matter how you
thought about it, they could always be traced back to each other in a way. While
having conversations with my cousin, I gave her the term of being full with
bubbles, as she was gushing over a guy. Then to my surprise, she says that
everyone deserves and that she wants them! She is the perfect example of the
blend of a feminist and a romantic, and she doesn’t even know it. I guess… I am
one myself too. Our conversations are always on polar opposites. One minute
we’re saying that boys are dumb and stupid and that we don’t need them so we
should just focus on the work in front of us right now (feminist). Then the
next thing you know we’re gushing about some guys, being full of these
‘bubbles’ (romance). Then, repeat cycle.
I guess you could say that I had a
moment within a moment, when I realized that these ‘bubbles’ played a pretty
significant part of my life. I found that almost every venting session or
conversation with my closest friends is all some how related to the topic of
romance, bubbles, boys and so on. That not only do I think we deserve to have
bubbles, but that we also desire them. As Berlastky argues about
Katniss and Bella, “[p] ower and desire have to separate” I have contradictory
thoughts about this because in one way, I feel like a person can have both! Yet
in another way, I catch both myself and my cousin having the desire for these
bubbles, and is it because we have the power? Hmmm… I’m not so sure anymore. Maybe
it’s because we’re both such strong feminists, that we know exactly what we
want from a guy or relationship, it makes our desire for bubbles stronger. The
three vignettes in the Nora Roberts novel is a perfect representation for what
most of the conversations I have with my 2 older cousins. I was so shocked when
I first read the back of the book; it resembled me and my 2 cousins so much! That
all three cousins are strong, independent, incredibly smart women who have no
intentions in falling in love, but undoubtedly do, which is pretty similar to
me and my 2 cousins if I do say so myself. Except for the whole falling madly
in love part, all 3 of us are still waiting for that to happen ;) This depicted
how feminism and romance were intertwined together, that a girl is allowed to
have both in her life, it may not be easy, but hey nobody said life was easy. And
that it is feminist of a girl to know what she wants and not ashamed to admit
she desired the bubbles with a guy. So, I’m glad that this class has given me a
deeper insight into what it means to be both a feminist and a romantic. For me,
there’s no way I could be one and not the other.
Wow! Really interesting point of view on Asian culture. I can completely see how these “ways of life” have impacted your feminist viewpoints. In addition, I liked how you incorporated your feminist beliefs in your appreciation of romance. This balanced relationship between men and women can be found in romance novels and in the real world. As Phillips taught us in "The Romance and the Empowerment of Women", romance novels are surely unrealistic, but we can still find empowerment and translate their positive aspects into our own lives.
ReplyDeleteAs you’ve exemplified with Asian cultures, the limitations and expectations of women apply to so many different cultures in our world, including our very own. But, I find it interesting how each culture ranges so widely in how it puts down women. In Storey’s, “Cultural Theory and Popular Culture,” we learned how women’s bodies are exploited in media to please the male gaze. This exploitation demeans women, to a point where their worth is dependent on their bodies and how they look. While, in contrast to being excessively revealed to the point of losing respect, middle eastern countries experience an opposite form of suppression. Here, each woman isn’t given the freedom to express her body and looks. She must be covered from head to toe, where her hair, shoulders, and knees cannot be revealed. Interestingly, my friend’s mother, who was visiting the middle east, hadn’t abided by these rules and was spit on by men.
While cultures suppress women in superficial forms, they also can effect their positions in society. You taught me that women in China must obey others throughout their entire lives. I also wonder why she can't be equally respected as men. As you also questioned, I don’t see how child birth isn’t enough to be completely fawned over throughout a women’s life. You would think since she is responsible for this essential, life-giving act, she’d be viewed as the most important thing in society. Cultures’ traditions and the suppression of women interestingly go hang-in-hand. We need to understand that with time, customs and norms can adapt and change as we gain more understanding and knowledge. The freedoms each culture gives a woman can progress, as we realize that women are equal to men.