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A moment can change a person’s views on life. From this
class I have experience one of these life changing moments. I have always known
that I am a hopeless romantic. Whenever I watch a romantic movie or read a
romance novel I find myself completely engulfed in the story; I want a boy to serenade
me from my window, or to kiss me in the pouring rain or have a knight in
shining armor rescue me. And although I know this is unrealistic, I still crave
that happy ending. And this relationship is something I search for in every
movie or show whether it is a romance or not. I believe the best part of a
story is the romance. And I am not afraid to tell people my opinions.
But through this class I have realized that this feeling is
not uncommon and instead of it being a never ending feeling I learned that it
is my form of escapism. I enjoy watching romantic films the most when I have
had a rough day and want to escape into a world where if something goes wrong,
it is always fixed in a matter of hours. Or even if I had a great day, I look
to romance novels or movies to continue my great day, ensuring that it ends on
an unrealistic but pleasantly happy note. After reading Storey’s chapter “Gender
and Sexuality,” I learned that many women use romance as escapism, but further
than that I recognized that anything can be escapism. It is really up to the
individual to decide how he or she would like to escape reality for a little while.
Escapism can be in the form of playing video games or watching sports on TV or
for some people it could be things like cleaning or working out.
Escapism is not limited to enjoying romance for a few hours.
But because of romance’s bad reputation it is frowned upon to even consider
enjoying romance. Through our many discussions I have come to realize that this
sort of belief is ridiculous because people like me have been brought up to
believe that romance, unless it is actually happening to you, is a shameful
pleasure, even though people do the same thing but in a different way.
The second life changing moment that occurred was when I learned
that it is possible to a feminist and a romantic at the same time. After reading
Susan Phillips’ The Romance and the
Empowerment or Women, and Jayne Krentz’ Trying
to Tame the Romance, it was brought to my attention how much feminism
actually exists in romance stories. The main characters in these romance
stories are strong independent women from the beginning, and even though they
do end up falling in love, it is on their own terms. And as said, women and men
are beginning to possess qualities of the opposite gender within romance
novels.
After realizing this fact, I became more comfortable in
conveying my feminist beliefs while still being able to desire a movie-like
romance. I have my beliefs in being
independent and being able to support myself in the future, but I also desire a
loving and romantic relationship with my prince charming. And with the help of
this class I know that this is possible to accomplish.
Lauren, I am also a hopeless romantic when it comes to romantic novels and movies. I find myself easily thrilled by romantic gestures in fiction, which makes romantic movies fun to watch and romance novels exciting to read. Like you, I would love to live in a real-life “Notebook” story, no matter how unrealistic this may be. Romance is also appealing to me because I always want a happy ending. According to Storey in his chapter Gender and Sexuality, “The failed romance is unable to provide these satisfactions…because it concludes sadly, or with and unconvincing happy ending” (Storey 143). As women it is hard to be satisfied by a romantic story that does not work out in the end because it does not live up to our expectations of what romance should be.
ReplyDeleteEscapism through romance is something important that I have taken away from this class too. Romantic television, movies, and novels allow me to focus on another world for a while. While engaged in reading or watching romance, I am no longer worried about my problems or the things I have to do. For me, escapism through romance is a way to relax and spend some time doing something that I enjoy. As you mentioned, feminists often frown upon escapism into romance because it is seen as desperate and unrealistic. In The Romance and the Empowerment of Women, Susan Phillips describes that often this escapism can actually be inspiring to women. Women in romance use their feminine strength to gain emotional control over the physically stronger men. This display of strength to readers and viewers of romance makes escapism into romance empowering. It encourages women to take control of their relationships and use femininity to their advantage. I agree with you that escapism exists not simply through romance. People escape through all different means, and men use escapism too. People should not judge women for using romance to escape for a little while, when escapism is something each and every person (yes, feminists too!) uses at some point in their life.
I was also blown away by the idea that a woman can be a feminist and a romantic at the same time, especially since the two always seem to be pitted against one another. The heroines in romance are strong, independent, and courageous women with lofty goals. They bring men to their knees through the use of these characteristics. I agree with you when you say that men and women often posses some characteristics of the other gender by the end of a romantic story. Jayne Krentz and Susan Phillips are both strong feminists who are easily able to see feminism in romance. Their chapters showed me, just as they did you, that feminism and romance can coexist and women in romance are stronger than they are portrayed as in their stereotype.
Hi Lauren (:
ReplyDeleteIt may seem so weird, but I find myself thinking the exact same things about your two moments with in this class. I too am a hopeless romantic and want a nice guy to just come striding into my life to sweep me right off of my feet with romance. All I ever look for in story line or plot is the romance, even in genres that have a main focus on something totally different than the romance. But I can’t seem to help it, that the love line is what I like to follow. I think it’s what draws me back to watching so many TV shows such as Grey’s Anatomy or Law & Order: SVU, in which they mainly focus on the topics of doctors and crime solving, I’m most drawn to the relationship and love stories that occur with the characters. In “Gender and Sexuality”, when Storey quotes Rakow that “women have a particular relationship to pop culture that is different from men’s” (Storey 136) perfectly describes what we are trying to get at here: that maybe it is the romance piece that attracts us to continually watch these romantic comedies or any other form of escapism because maybe, just maybe, women have more of an emotional and personal connection to pop culture than men. A major part of that relationship, as you said, takes the form of escapism for women, but I also think another major part of the relationship that isn’t as recognized, is the concept of identification. While a female is invested and has escaped into a romantic comedy or anything else, it “generate[s] fantasies of power, control, and self-confidence, fantasies that can inform the activities of everyday life” (Storey 139). These fantasies created through the many ways of pop culture, both helps a woman escape into a fantasy where the world seems to be perfect, but also realize qualities within the characters that they personally identify with, which in a way empowers women. Thus, leads to your second moment, that a woman can be both a feminist and a romantic at the same time.
I had thought about the relationship and what connection exists between the two concepts of romance and feminism since we started the class, and one thing that I have realized is that feminism and romance are almost twisted together, that there are always components of both in almost everything, it’s just a matter of perspective. As Jayne Ann Krentz puts it, “[t]he hero in the romance is the most important challenge the heroine must face and conquer” (Krentz 109). Here, in a romance novel, the biggest challenge for the leading female character is to overcome the hero that stands before her. In a way, this is both feminist and romantic, that the main story plot usually follows the romance and love between two individuals, but it is because the hero poses a threat to the heroine, she needs to work at both him and herself to realize what she wants, to confront him taking a stance as a strong and independent woman. This depicts how a woman can be a romantic and feminist in both fantasies of fiction and in real life, that a woman is feminist in the fact that she is facing a challenge head on and strong, yet at the same time that challenge is also bringing up her desires for love. Another example is what we discussed in class, if a woman if more or less of feminist for admitting to romance, and I think we’re both on the side that it makes us more of a feminist to openly admit our liking for the romance. So, I agree with you Lauren, so much! That women can be both feminists and romantics, even if they take a liking to romance as a form of escapism.
Lauren, your feelings are normal, and as a gay man I believe we share similar feelings. Mine may be slightly different due to the issue of gender roles, but nonetheless we share a similar problem.
ReplyDeleteI believe from a young age we are taught that a woman acting feminine and girly is something that is accepted, but at the same time not viewed as something that is empowering or strong. This class has taught me that this is not true. In your response when you talked about romance novels you said, “The main characters in these romance stories are strong independent women from the beginning, and even though they do end up falling in love, it is on their own terms.” I agree with this, and as Krentz says, “in romance novels, the woman always wins. With courage, intelligence, and gentleness she brings the most dangerous creature on earth, the human male, to his knees. More than that she forces him to acknowledge her power as a woman.” (5) I find this to be extremely accurate, when you think of Laura in the novel The MacGregor Brides, she changes Royce, makes him fall in love with her, and falls in love with him on her own terms.
I think we’ve all dealt with escapism. According to Storey, “escapism is always... a two-way event... [women] were not only escaping into the luxury of the cinema... they were also escaping from the hardships and restrictions...” (139). Amidst our hectic lives, we look to escape for a minute. I admire your passion for romance, and also your courage to stand behind it as well. On the record, there is nothing wrong with using romance as your escapism. Good news though, I feel as though our society is shifting. With the release of Fifty Shades of Grey, and movies like Magic Mike, female sexuality is becoming more and more normal. So, even though we’re not quite there now, we’re getting there.
Dear Lauren,
ReplyDeleteThe need to read romantic novels is not something that should hinder a women’s ability to declare herself as a feminist or even independent. It is perfectly fine to be a hopeless romantic, as long as the novels are used as a form of escapism rather than necessity. “Readers understand that the book always celebrates female empowerment… the women always win” (Krentz). Not only do women, including me, use the surreal aspect of romantic reading as a form of escapism, it can also be used as a form of control and authority. Although the women in the books are very dependent on the man, they always end up winning over the man. “With courage, intelligence, and gentleness she brings the most dangerous creature on earth, the human male, to his knees” (Krentz).
Second, I also agree with you when you state that it is possible to be a feminist and still be feminine at the same. Although Moran experimented with femininity with a while and figured out that I wasn’t for her, she was also able to agree that a women who is into feminine things like makeup and fashion is no less of a feminist than any other women who isn’t into feminine things. I really liked Moran’s quote when she said, “So when women fret over what to wear in the morning – It’s not because we want to be an international style icon… what we are trying to do is work out if everyone that day will ‘understand’ what we are wearing, if we are saying the right thing in a nuanced conversation” (Moran). Just because a women is a feminine does not mean that she is self-centered or obsessed with looks, but rather that she actually thinks twice about the perception of herself that she portrays to others.