If you’d
asked me in August whether I was a feminist or a romantic (which you did), I’m
sure that I would have confidently told you that I was both – that I believed
in equality for women but also enjoy watching sappy chick flicks in romantic
comedies. If you asked me today (which you have), I would most likely say the
same thing. I am, most definitely, a feminist AND a romantic. So, really, in
the grand scheme of things, nothing much has changed. But wait – there are a
few very important distinctions between then and now.
Before I
really delved into the complex and mysterious world of feminism and romance, I
thoroughly believed that feminism was a stable idea – that it had a definition,
a consensus, and a specific meaning behind it. To me, feminism was simply the support
of empowering women. But then, this made me wonder, does being part of a
relationship disempower me? Do I lose some of my power by giving in to love?
Does my enjoyment of cheesy romantic comedies make me weak? AM I DOING THIS ALL
WRONG?
But then…
EUREKA!
After
doing the survey project in which we researched the waves of feminism, I came
to the realization that what we call feminism today should really be called
feminisms instead. There were so many different ideas and expressions, but who was I to say that one or another was wrong? In other words, there are countless different
interpretations of what feminism is, or does, or means because that’s the thing
– it’s a personal definition, not a universal one. For one of the first times
in my life, I realized that there IS NO WRONG WAY! Women can be sexy, butch,
girly, intelligent, in love, out of love, with men, with women, with both, and
still be a feminist. It’s not about doing or being the “right thing” according
to feminism. It’s about doing what’s right according to your beliefs and
ideals.
This
epiphany gave me so much freedom. I realized that whatever I wanted to do, as
long as it was truly what I wanted,
would never, and could never be “anti-feminist” because I myself decided what
feminism was in the first place. In a world of black and white, right and
wrong, yes and no, I felt liberated by the idea that I would get to decide.
However,
this moment led me to another question…If feminism can be anything I want it to be, how does my belief in love fit into all of this? What about my love of romantic comedies? Are they separate from my feminism? Or are they... intertwined?
After reading the Storey chapters and "The Romance and the Empowerment of Women," I got my answer. There were two things that I identified with right away: the concepts of escapism and a need for control. I realized that like many of the women described in these articles, I go to my chick flicks and romantic comedies when I want a break from the hectic nature of my life, just so that I can believe in a world with happy endings for a little while. And what's more, these happy endings were always a result of the heroine's ability to control the story's outcome in some way (with her charm, wit, etc.) just as in Phillips' article.
So how does feminism play into this?
Well, that's where epiphany number two comes in. And watch out, it's a doozie.
FEMINISM AND ROMANCE ARE BASED ON THE SAME PRINCIPLES!
What?! How can this be?! These are two concepts which are thought to be mutually exclusive!
Not so, I say. It is all about what women want. Controlling life to be how we want it, watching romantic comedies to experience a world in which ultimate control is possible. Women want to have control over their lives, their bodies, their husbands, their children, the weather - you name it. Feminism and romance both provide this control, just in different ways.
After I was struck with both of these epiphanies, I came to the conclusion that yes, I do have my very own brand of feminism, and yes, it is a designer label. Meaning of course, that it is one of a kind, and allows me to watch romantic comedies to my heart's content without feeling guilty or ashamed or as if I should be "more of a feminist."
So this is where I stand. Seemingly, I am in the exact same place as I was when the quarter began - I identify as both a feminist and a romantic. But in truth, I now realize why this is possible, and how I came to be the way I am.
And I am proud to be the way I am.
I find it so funny that you and I had the same reaction to our survey project that we worked on together, and never even realized it! Throughout high school I thought feminism meant fighting for women’s rights. Feminism wasn’t something I disagreed with necessarily, but it was something I was afraid of. I didn’t want to proclaim myself as a feminist because I associated feminism with the second wave. I thought it meant I’d have to reject my femininity, stop shaving my legs, give up on men and marriage and children. I’d have to stop wanting to be a teacher, and start wanting to be a lawyer, or a doctor, or some kind of traditionally male profession to defy that stereotype. I didn’t want to lose myself to be a feminist.
ReplyDeleteThen we did that survey project, and read “Sexy from the Start” and I realized that I no longer had to be afraid to be a feminist. I could dress up, wear girly clothes, I could embrace love and relationships, and I could justify my love of the romance and still be a feminist! I discovered that I could define feminism in my own way and tailor it to my lifestyle. Like you said, I can create my own designer brand of feminism that fits my lifestyle perfectly.
Additionally, I wish I could steal your “moment” about how feminism and romance are based on the same concepts. It drives me nuts how people associate love with dependence. Maybe falling in love meant dependence in the 1950’s, it certainly did in the 18th and 19th centuries. But in 2012? Does falling in love and getting married really mean I’m going to be a sitting duck and let a man take care of me? No! Romance is just the opposite. It takes control, and strength. As Judith Arnold says in her essay in Dangerous Men and Adventurous Women, “the ability to establish and nurture relationships is as valid and as valuable as the ability to scale mountains alone”. Romance is not about ease and comfort; it takes hard work! Building and maintaining a relationship, especially the types of romances depicted in romance novels, takes control, strength and determination. This determination and effort is reflected in the feminist movement as well. I wish someone would give people who have maintained long-term relationships more credit, instead of writing them off as being dependent and weak. If only romance and relationships were given the credit they were deserved, they might be better admired.
Meg, I completely agree with you as I had felt like both a feminist and a romantic at the beginning of the quarter, as well as now too. I believe our generation is the first generation where women have the option to be whatever they desire. While reading the New Girl article one feminist called the character Jess “downright anti-feminist.” The shows producer fired back with, “It was a little weird for me, as a feminist who’s actively trying to create interesting roles for women, to hear that attack, that Jess is like a little girl”, “I want to see more new, great, weird, fucked up women on TV”. This is what is so great about our society today; people are free to be whatever they want. Originality is finally sought after; it’s a good thing. This directly connects with feminism. As Meg said in nowadays women have the option to be, “sexy, butch, girly, intelligent, in love, out of love, with men, with women, with both, and still be a feminist [or a romantic].” If you look at specifically pop music, women today are becoming more and more individual “La Roux- a lesbian! Florence and the Machine-a ginger! Lily Allen- a gobby ingénue! Beyoncé- a phenomenal, big-thighed icon! And, of course, Lady Gaga-a meat wearing, bisexual, multimedia agent provocateur!” (Moren 249) This is just in music; you can find women representing their individuality all over, and that is a great thing for not only feminists, but romantics too.
DeleteI also agree with Meg’s idea of control. My interpretation of this control is being able to apply a romantic comedy or novel to your own life. To step into the main character’s shoes for a while to experience what she/he experiences. This control is different than your control in your daily life because it is decided, it’s destined, nine times out of ten the woman has control and eventually gets what she wants. This is an interesting thought, that many women crave this control so much that they will accept faux control, in a way it feels like a method of intentional brain washing. So how do women deal with control relating to feminism? Well, a feminist woman makes all her own decisions; she determines what she wants and goes for it. This is the ultimate control a person has.
If I'm looking at the start of the feminist movement until now, I think we've made momentous strides, but it's not over. The direction feminism is going now is a great one, but we need to remember that everyone has their own definition of feminism and romance. It's also important to remember you can be both a feminist and a romantic if that's what you chose. It's also okay to just be a feminist or just be a romantic, that's the point, it's what you chose.